Surviving Abject Social Poverty Inside Materially Wealthy Family

There is an idea I was thinking about recently on how a family can have great material wealth but treat each other very poorly. I’d like to go over those differences and contrast them. Looking at these two types of wealth, material and social, can be helpful to understand what was going on for people around us while growing from child to adult. Most importantly it gives us a choice as adults to prioritize how we will spend our time and with whom.

Material wealth is the easiest to understand because it’s not abstract. It goes directly to the senses in the form of objects. The objects around us like chairs, tables, or electronics come in varying degrees of quality as well. A person is said to have great material wealth usually when the size, quantity, and quality of the items around them is high. A dollar amount can be calculated for most of the items making them liquid and transferable.

The other type of wealth we can have is social wealth. It pertains to the quality of the people that surround us. We can recognize the quality of the others by their curiosity for us and willingness to negotiate. Without taking into account other people’s needs and preferences there is really no relating, or relationship, going on.

So many people in our lives claim to love us and when we ask them to meet us half way, our invitation to a better relationship is slapped away like a gnat. The thought for most people to work through their own issues and start do something which is mutually beneficial, not compromising, but creatively working through difficulties is tragically absent from their minds.

For example I was told that I would participate in family functions and sometimes I would put up resistance. “I don’t want to go to that dinner.” To which I would be attacked and undermined for daring to assert my own preferences to my family. I would be shamed and chided until I relented on my own position and the event would go on without any thought for what I wanted. To my memory I can’t locate a single time when anyone asked why I wanted to stay away, accepted it, and tried to understand. It never crossed their mind to improve themselves and their attitude towards me so I would be happy and willing to go along. All that would be done was to try to convince me it was my duty and I was bad if I didn’t go along with the elders.

Another way the social poverty can be witnessed is when the parents force the child into daycare, school, and after-school programs. I think if you asked the children they would prefer to be with the parents. After all the safest place for children is with their parents and not with strangers. This idea is usually laughed away as absurd or ridiculous. The parents force the child into a situation of neglect, abuse, and domination while claiming it has benefits to the child rather than as a convenience and expression of sadism from the parent. The child recognizes the betrayal of the parent and a trauma is produced usually not to be consciously looked at again by that child. It erases the self esteem of the child and ensures they will almost never develop social wealth without massive heartache and trouble.

This is the failure of parenting and schools to teach any negotiation and how they have ruthlessly stamped out empathy in the children. The children grow up so immature that businesses lock up, men and women’s romantic relationships disintegrate, and people can’t get along. When people have their freak-outs some relaxation of dominance can creep in but it’s unintentional and temporary.

There is a way out of the socially poor ways that have been passed down from eons past. It would involve looking inside and finding out if we want to cooperate for the long-term or if we want to continue with hierarchical dominance in the moment. The cost of our amoral or immoral society is extremely high registering in the trillions of dollars and millions of lives.

We should help anyone we can to see past their nose and discover the new world of social wealth. The kind of wealth that can sooth, heal, and promote progress in humanity. When we begin to relate and give understanding to others we will feel that wealth in our self esteem and the esteem of our whole society.

For most they will not change unless ordered to or unless they hit rock bottom when nobody else will talk to them anymore. Narcissists will also come in and fight social progress the entire way like you can witness in politics. The immature and rigid among us cannot survive negotiation because it requires honesty, flexibility, and authenticity. Virtues!

This choice to choose social wealth, love fundamentally, is here for us. People all over their blogs, books, and YouTube are working to transform how we relate to one another. It’s a positive change that is intensely rewarding and challenging in our world right now. In the future when the hard work is done the wealth will be with us, stay with us, and allow us to nurture future generations peacefully.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to negotiating with you!

Author Tony Crowe, Salt Lake City, UT
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